Jan 12th, 2011, 08:44 | 只看该作者 #23 | |
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Chua, the oldest of four daughters of Chinese immigrants, was raised to be "stereotypically successful." Three daughters have multiple Harvard/Yale degrees and matching high-powered careers. The youngest, who has Down syndrome, "holds two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming." As the beneficiary of such parenting prowess, Chua is the John M. Duff professor of law at Yale and already has two books with intimidatingly complicated subtitles - "World on Fire" and "Day of Empire." She must never sleep (she equates less slumber with a fuller life): She teaches full time, writes lauded books and papers, maintains a grueling travel schedule and, most important, devotes herself to Chinese motherhood. "The truth is I'm not good at enjoying life," she readily admits. Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...#ixzz1ApQIsm2x |
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Jan 12th, 2011, 09:44 | 只看该作者 #24 |
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One of the best piece I ever read. For those who blaming the author, you just the group of people that can't get it. Put it in a nicer way, "Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches." It's OK as long as you get that answer of what is "a child's psych", or the definition of "a child's psych". LOL |
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Jan 12th, 2011, 12:59 | 只看该作者 #25 | |
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其次,象有些网友提到的:她女儿怎么样?心理健康吗?快乐吗?什么是短期的后果?有没有长期的慢性的后果?如果答案是肯定的,那么推一下,也无妨。 坏就坏在不了解自己的孩子、对孩子的期望超过他们的承受能力,导致悲剧的发生。那才是最可怕的。她这种教育方法,很可能达到成功,最终谁能享受到这种成功带来的喜悦呢?父母、孩子或者别人,如我们这样陌生人羡慕的眼光? 也可以被复制她的教育方法,只是在复制之前,想一想,可能给孩子带来的心理伤害,自己是否能很好地控制情绪、能否承受任何可能的不良后果? |
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Jan 12th, 2011, 13:08 | 只看该作者 #26 |
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看看作者比较偏激的方面吧: 看看作者比较偏激的方面吧: 在外过夜?如果了解孩子的朋友及其父母,去 怎么了? 看电影:跟父母去看电影有什么不可以吗? 出演校园剧:有什么理由不可以? 抱怨没有参演校园剧:她们不是孩子们,连抱怨也不可以吗? 看电视或玩电脑游戏:适当看一看,玩一玩也不行? 选择自己的业余活动:只能做父母为你选择的业余活动?不能有孩子自己的喜好? 考试成绩没达到A:多数时间或多数功课达到也不可以? 除了体育和戏剧外其他学科没有得第一名:体育和戏剧怎么了?低其它科目一等? 除了钢琴和小提琴外学习其他乐器:其他乐器不是乐器吗? 不学习钢琴和小提琴:再一次强调了钢琴与小提琴 |
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Jan 13th, 2011, 13:36 | 只看该作者 #28 |
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很牛的广告。 想了想,孩子的韧性很强,对一个自信的孩子,偶尔说他废物打败不了他,怕的是长期的带贬低的口气说他没用。适当给强制也没啥了不起,倔强的孩子自有他的坚韧。 有的人从轻松中得到乐趣,也有人喜欢压力,从挑战和战胜压力带来快感。蔡美儿一家子都很牛,最牛的是唐氏的妹妹还拿了几个金牌。她的遗传因子很强大,她那么聪明的人,能把握好这种强势。但要是把这种强势视为对待孩子的要素,很多人会学走样。朗朗的爸爸说过他怎样强势对待朗朗之后,很多母亲都觉得逼孩子就能逼出天才。 我是个相信天分的人,从来不觉得自己的孩子会是天才,能给孩子的很少,所以就想给孩子一点眼前的快乐。 |
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Jan 20th, 2011, 13:02 | 只看该作者 #30 | |
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再看看蔡美儿的答读者问: 引用:
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The only question with wealth is, what do you do with it? - John D. Rockefeller
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Jan 21st, 2011, 12:55 | 只看该作者 #33 |
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华裔作家蔡美儿(Amy Chua)新书「虎妈的战歌」(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)引发广泛争议后,她的大女儿蔡思慧(Sophia)18日特别在纽约邮报以发表公开信的方式,为母亲辩护。 以下是蔡思慧在纽约邮报标题为「我为何深爱我管教严格的华裔母亲」一文的摘要: 亲爱的虎妈:你的回忆录自刊出后,遭受众多批评,问题在于有些人无法体会你的幽默,以为你说的一切都是真的,推测我和妹妹受到一位邪恶母亲的压迫,但那绝非事实。 不过,外界很难真正了解我们家庭的实况,他们听不到我们彼此的谈笑声,也看不到我们享用炒饭加汉堡的美食,更无法想像一家四口加上两隻小狗,挤在一张床上为下载哪些电影争论不休的有趣画面。 我承认我有一位不可违抗的母亲,但现在18岁了,即将离开老虎笼上大学,我很高兴你和父亲如此教养我们,理由有下几点: 许多人指控你只会培养不会自我思考的机械化小孩,但我的看法相反,我认为你的严格作风让我们更独立。我记得有一次钢琴比赛我走上台后非常紧张,你就小声叮咛我「放轻鬆,只要全力以赴,不管结果如何」。 每个人似乎认为艺术属于天分,但你却教育我们,即使是创意亦需努力。我的同学都会参加我的钢琴演奏会,当然大部分人也是为了会后可品尝你做的水饺;我在卡内基音乐厅表演后,听到同学齐声欢呼,还感动流泪。 进入高中后,你也了解是让我长大成人的时候了。所有女同学在九年级开始学习化妆后,我也走进商店购买化妆品,并学习如何使用。当你见到我第一次画眼线时很惊讶,但并不在意,你让我历经成长的仪式。 另一个我经常听到的批评,是指你造成子女视野狭隘,但事实上,你和父亲却教导我为求知而求知,不附带其他条件或目的。在高三我选修军事历史课程,有项作业是要访问有参战经验人士,我本想直接访问有第二次世界大战经验的祖父,但你却认为这是偷懒,最后我访问了一位以色列伞兵,他的故事改变我的一些人生观。 最后,我想要让生活有义意的愿望,是一个普世认知。我认为这与成就大小或自我满足没有关系,而是要自己不断努力,把潜能发挥到极致。假如我明天就离世,我会感觉我已把我的生命活出110%。为此我感谢你,虎妈。 |
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感谢 xyzok 此篇文章之用户: |
sage (Jan 21st, 2011) |
Jan 21st, 2011, 13:49 | 只看该作者 #35 |
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Found this comment, thought was pretty interesting: http://www.quora.com/Parenting/Is-Am...wer/Raymond-Lu The stereotypical model of Asian parenting described here is actually a misguided, but rational response to acute cultural and environmental constraints that immigrant parents face. Think of a mother who immigrates to the U.S. and gets a job in engineering after graduating from a university in Taiwan. Naturally, she wants her kids to have a slice of the "American Dream." Despite her middle-class income, she is almost totally ignorant about the dynamics of social mobility in America today. As a non-native English speaker who gets her information from Chinese friends/family and Chinese-language media, she doesn't have a nuanced understanding of elite prep school and college admissions, doesn't know exactly what skills and activities she should encourage her kids to develop, and only has a passing acquaintance with the diverse opportunities available to smart college grads in Silicon Valley, Washington, New York, etc. So when it comes time to start grooming her kids for "success", the Asian parent has very little in the way of good information to work with. She doesn't know how to crack school admissions, beyond emphasizing the kind of standardized tests that were so crucial to her own success in Taiwan/Asia. She doesn't know what interests her kids should have, with the exception of what she sees in the surrounding Asian community--violin, piano, martial arts, math and science competitions. And given her experience as a perpetual foreigner in a country full of hidden cultural and racial barriers for those deemed insufficiently American, she assumes that the best chance for her children to succeed is to get day jobs in linear, meritocratic fields such as engineering, medicine, or business. Consequently, she sacrifices her time, money, and even youth to give her kids tutors, piano and violin lessons, prep courses galore. The irony is that none of this is particularly useful. Good grades and stereotypical interests in piano and violin won't get you very far in today's college admissions process; it might even trigger negative stereotypes of mindless Asian automatons. Getting day jobs as engineers, consultants, doctors, or lawyers can ensure a comfortable standard of living, but it's a far cry from being a successful VC, CEO, Executive Director, or industry leader. The problem is twofold. Asian parenting cultivates discipline and persistence, but talent, innovation, and vision are the most important variables in separating employees who make $100k a year from entrepreneurs who make $10 million in an IPO. At the same time, key social skills in leadership, teamwork, and communication are neglected. Schmoozing properly at a networking event is out of the question. But even if you have no interest in becoming Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg, creativity and leadership are invaluable in any profession. Naturally, these ideas are difficult to grasp for Asian parents who immigrated to this country after spending twenty, thirty years steeped in Confucian culture, test-driven education systems, and societies with a limited opportunities for social advancement. Amy Chua, however, is not a bona-fide Chinese mother; she was born and raised in the U.S., has firsthand experience with the institutional dynamics of a place like YLS, and married a white American. Why would she voluntarily reproduce the crude parenting strategies of first-generation immigrants deprived of the linguistic and cultural sensibilities necessary to understand social mobility in America? I suspect the answer, as others referenced, is that she didn't--or that she eventually came around to a more balanced approach that incorporates the freewheeling, "indulgent" model of Western parenting with its more interventionist, and linear Asian counterpart. But the fact that she began from such an extreme position probably speaks to some unresolved personal issues concerning success and identity that her children unfortunately had to endure. After all, unlike the immigrant mothers who can credibly claim ignorance of the diverse pathways to success in America today, Amy Chua can, and should know better. |
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sage (Jan 21st, 2011) |
Jan 21st, 2011, 20:38 | 只看该作者 #38 | |
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这段写得中肯,把美国人的秘密都写出来了。如果深挖的话,就是什么是成功的命题了。 不过,说实话,一般聪明而又比较正直诚实的人,都只能从教授、医生、律师那里谋职业,这跟基因有关很难改变的。这个世界掌握在恶者的手里,不是流氓坏蛋当不了皇帝和资本家,几千年来都是这样的。活到最后,就会觉得世俗的成功根本不值得羡慕--并不是吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸。 引用:
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catcherwogloves (Jan 21st, 2011) |