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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 06:54     #1
lycatherine
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本想取个吸收眼球和点击率的题目,又一想,这几十年都没写过我的******的了,一激动,就取了这个题目,很有点恍惚当年少年时的咸觉耶。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

随码随贴,为征文活动抛砖引玉。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

嘿嘿,整个一个命题作文! http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

既然是砖,大伙儿就当小说看着玩吧。

****************

贵喜的Volunteer英语老师叫Mike,很普通的一个名字,当然是贵喜在这篇小文给他取的了。其实他的真名和真姓也很普通,象什么John啦James啦之类的,反正是一呼万应的那种。

给麦克打电话,说贵喜想写写有关他的故事。麦克高兴得直叫, 自我吹嘘他是一个wise, nice, humorous and sexy man, 要求把他的email地址贴出来,以加强中加交流。贵喜一口呸骂过去,说dude, 您就死了这份心吧,俺的小文一贴出去,您就是贴出您的电话号码来,也是鸦雀无声。

麦克一个激灵,想起贵喜的尖酸刻薄了,立马大悔。贵喜嘿嘿笑着啪地挂了电话。

象所有的新移民一样,贵喜来到加拿大办了这证件那证件后,就径直去上政府的ESL班。上了不到一星期,懒惰的贵喜就不去上午班了,清早送孩子上学后,就呆家舒舒服服地看从来没全看懂的电视。插句题外话,由于贵喜对不求甚解的深刻理解和付之实践,久而久之,贵喜居然形成了一个习惯,看电视糊里糊涂的半懂是绝对正常的。前阵子,突然在omni2频道看到听到国语报道,贵喜心里那个别扭呵就别提了。琢磨来琢磨去,才明白是因为居然每个字都全听懂了。话再转回来,当年每天午饭后,贵喜消消停停地去ESL班混二小时,后来,听说可以申请一个VOLUTEER ENGLISH TEACHER,贵喜就去填表,反正是免费的,不申请白不申请。

不久,贵喜就有个Volunteer,那就是麦克,贵喜觉得挺幸运。常言道,好花不常开,好景不常在,贵喜短暂的好心情幸运感很快就又一次证明了那常言的正确。在以后那漫长的日子里,贵喜常常哀叹好倒霉噢。
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 07:29   只看该作者   #2
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默认

村委会文笔流畅细腻,谈笑间,将贵喜的幽默顽皮拿涅的精准到位。。。

可是,不到500字以上哦。。。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif



<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> ...文章以原创为准,讲述自己或他人在加拿大或与移民有关的生活与工作中发生的欢乐与哀愁。字数为500字以上。... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 07:48   只看该作者   #3
lycatherine
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多谢股主儿点评。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
村委会及如意巷居委会“在处理各类离婚纠纷居民吵架的百忙之中”抽空坯几片土砖,外经部部长不要过高要求嘛。

这不,刚贺了外经部部长生日,又组织村民学习了市府的扫荒工作文件。更重要的是还congratulation了一个天才儿童的成功,还割分了乐功章的一半给天才儿童他爹娘。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

村委会从来都是流水帐流来流去就流不转来了,所以,还得对大伙儿抱拳做个揖说声:thank you very much for your time and patience. http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by liszt:
可是,不到500字以上哦。。。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>[/QUOTE]
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 08:10   只看该作者   #4
zayne
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默认

LISZT 怎么跟个新警察一样,村委会的文件哪回是一次发完的,都是连载,知道吗?而且这个开头已超过500字了,按惯例,将在5000~50000字之间。
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 08:23   只看该作者   #5
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多美味的头盘菜啊!

多多益善,多多益善!
求村长大发慈悲,加快发帖速度,咱饿坏了。。。。。
华枫村滋补养眼的土特产可是越来越少。。。。。。。

********
采一束风,
铸成彩虹宝剑,
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那是我对你,
永恒不变的盟约。
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 11:57   只看该作者   #6
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话说贵喜回到家,刚要看会那半懂不懂的电视,想起Zayne,Liszt,采风的文字和期待,便又带着盘旋在脑中的千丝万缕,奋不顾身地又冲到电脑前,继续码字。。。
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:03   只看该作者   #7
lycatherine
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多谢各位。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
村委会本打算今儿不办公的了,感动之余,就加班了。

***********

麦克中等个儿,碧眼褐发,就象他的名字一样,普通得贵喜很长时间记不住他的长相。后来混熟了,贵喜问他有多高,他说他有多少英尺多少英寸。贵喜没那概念,立时就冒火,骂道这加拿大人真神经,什么都用公制,偏偏这身高用英制,有本事就整个学学你们的邻居大哥,什么都用英制。麦克被贵喜的破英语骂得莫名其妙,居然一个劲说pardon me。贵喜得了便宜,洋洋得意地笑个不停。

待麦克把身高用公制告诉贵喜后,贵喜打量来打量去,很果断地说:不对,你绝对多报了几公分。麦克面不改色:我学你们中国人呗,以高为Handsome。我多报两公分也没高过你家来福嘛。贵喜讥笑道:你搞搞清楚,高矮不是你嘴里说出来的,是一点点长起来的,而且你好象也没指望长成你说的那高度了。麦克耸耸肩:哼,我们不是很看重身高的,长相更重要,象Tom Cruise,矮吧,还没我高,但是是帅哥。

贵喜差点喷出咖啡来,嘲笑道:什么,你干脆说你自个儿是帅哥得了。居然跟Tom比?知道你这人挺虚荣,今儿才知道你还很自恋呢。麦克闷气了一会儿,恶狠狠地道:什么like to listen to good words, 什么love yourself,你又用baby Language了。我今儿就用一回中国教育法,罚你回去把peacockish 和narcissistic 的名词动词形容词及用法通通查出来,读写200遍!贵喜说:你这是报复。 麦克说:又错了,再加一个词,revenge! 贵喜大叫:俺就是想用这个词来着,发音发错了!麦克乐眯了眼说:Wow,我还以为你知道avenge呢。那,再加上它,avenge。

贵喜一蹦三英寸高,大吼:俺跟白先生学习,不远万里跑加拿大来,还得受加拿大人的中国式教育?你做梦!俺今儿炒你了,从现在开始你不再是俺的English volunteer teacher了。嘿嘿嘿。

麦克满面喜色,端起咖啡一饮而尽,哈哈一笑道:一言为定!看在你是朋友的面子上,我给你10%的discount。从下次上课起,你付我钱!
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:26   只看该作者   #8
zayne
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peacock peacockish peacocky
孔雀孔雀炫耀孔雀的过于自负的虚荣的虚荣心强的如孔雀的艳丽浮华的爱虚荣的……不错不错,俺也跟着学个新词儿。

narcissistic 俺知道,上回也是在华枫庙里学的,源自Narcissus,忘了是那位dx说哪位dx.
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:29   只看该作者   #9
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默认

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ice Spring:
话说贵喜回到家,刚要看会那半懂不懂的电视,想起Zayne,Liszt,采风的文字和期待,便又带着盘旋在脑中的千丝万缕,奋不顾身地又冲到电脑前,继续码字。。。<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

long time no see, you good?
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:29   只看该作者   #10
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默认

看来知一套PG者,Zayne也!真的是连载,好精彩!

本街道决心紧跟Zayne,向一套PG靠拢。。。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:31   只看该作者   #11
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默认

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by liszt:
看来知一套PG者,Zayne也!真的是连载,好精彩!

本街道决心紧跟Zayne,向一套PG靠拢。。。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Stop saying YTPG! http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 16:37   只看该作者   #12
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默认

不说就不说,这不都是跟你学的吗?

真是的,只许Zayne官放火,不许百姓点灯阿。。。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif
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旧 Nov 25th, 2003, 21:18   只看该作者   #13
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默认

期待续集

---------
诗情画意,虽然美丽,我心中只有你。
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旧 Nov 26th, 2003, 20:06   只看该作者   #14
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老ZAYNE,那股主儿是铁定了心装嫩到底,要跟娃娃们一桌的,咱就原谅他T言无忌吧。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
再谢大伙。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

*************

上面的事充分说明了麦克这人心胸狭窄,打击报复心严重,又是个拜金主义者。几千年博大精深中国文化薰陶下成长起来的贵喜自然不与之一般见识,加上一时半会儿也找不着replacement,所以贵喜也就勉强凑合着继续做麦克的English volunteer student。

刚做麦克学生时,贵喜有心理障碍,不愿意开口用英语speaking,一用英语speaking,舌尖牙利的贵喜就结巴。麦克误以为贵喜很Shy,开始时还和颜悦色的循循善诱。可贵喜咬定牙关,说得最多的还是yes和no,或者干脆点头摇头了。几次课下来,麦克有点不耐烦,很不nice地说:我教的是listening and speaking,现在整个一个listening了。贵喜你如果不说英语,光听我说,还不如继续在家看电视呢,要我做你的英语老师干嘛?贵喜有点生气,脱口就出:俺可没找你当俺的英语老师。什么?麦克碧眼差点变黑:难道不是你自已要找英语老师的吗?贵喜更不客气地回答:俺是想找个英语老师,可不是一定要找你做英语老师!

话一出口,贵喜就悔之莫及。逞两句口舌之快,这volunteer眼见就气没了。可几次课下来只说顺了yes和no,没练sorry,所以这sorry嗝在贵喜嗓子眼里就是出不来。

麦克眼睛瞪得跟铜铃似的,似乎不敢相信这些话是从面前这个很shy的只会说yes和no的中国女人嘴里说出来的。一时间气氛很尴尬,两人都不知说什么好。麦克后来说当时贵喜窘迫的神态反倒使他felt sorry了,所以麦克清清嗓子,假装很大度地夸奖道:嘿,贵喜,你这两句英文说得很棒嘛。

贵喜这人一向恃强凌弱,一胜之下大喜过望,一鼓作气,从此之后,不但说英语不再结巴,而且用她的baby language唇枪舌剑,胡搅蛮缠,绝大多数情况下麦克老师屡战屡败。根据自已战无不败的经验,来福背后幸灾乐祸,讥笑麦克鸡蛋往石头上碰,当面却假惺惺地同情他,安慰道:哥们,别跟女人一般见识。俺们中国孔圣人有句古话是这么说的,唯女子与小人难养也。麦克大大感慨了一番中国古代文化哲理的深邃,从此一败北,就摇头晃脑地自我解嘲道:难怪你们中国的孔夫子说女人和小孩子是unreasonable的呢。
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旧 Nov 26th, 2003, 20:25   只看该作者   #15
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默认

大姐,跟您商量件事儿,你可不可以介绍MIKE做我现在的英语老师?

我刚来, 特急!!! 另外问一声: 你用不用SKII? 我说真的....

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旧 Nov 26th, 2003, 20:39   只看该作者   #16
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好,继续.... http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
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旧 Nov 26th, 2003, 22:39   只看该作者   #17
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默认

如意呀,写的真不错。 不过呢, 这是真的, 假的? 怎么看的我云里雾里的。 不知来福生气不?我都有点那个了。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

好了。 你有个英语老师麦克, 我也有个教英文的好朋友--苏珊(SUSANA ARCH)。 抽空, 我也扑捉一缕NIAO 烟, 从记忆的深处。 我们来个老来俏 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

-----------------
向往天空那一朵云。
-----------------
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旧 Nov 27th, 2003, 06:36   只看该作者   #18
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默认

这老无,还没到七老八十的,咋就要老来俏了呢? 太早太早。http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif
俺的计划是如果能活到七老八十的,就来个夕阳红。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
本小文开题就声明了,当小说读呗。
那老话咋说的来着?假亦真时真亦假嘛。

采风,昨晚就看到你的回贴了,恰好麦克也在网上,跟他聊了两句他就突然消失了。下面是他写的信,征得同意,转发在此。

I'd really like to apologize for last night. My server went down and I could not get back. I tried to phone you but your line was busy. I'm very sorry please forgive me.

Did any of my message about my wife get through? I was trying to explain that she went home to **** for a while. So I have to take care of *** and ***. I feel drained. Thank you for the compliment. Some days I'm not sure about being a good father. I hate saying no to them but feel very strongly in order and discipline in our lives. They do get their treats but I just try not to let it get out of hand.

Fortunately, *** is coming back soon. We talked to her yesterday and her current plan is to come home this Friday night. We are planning a surprise at the airport. The kids have done a big "Welcome Home Mommy" sign and we are ordering a stretch limo to bring her home.

……………

I am currently writing some other material but one day, I may get around to writing and publishing these stories also. I am honoured and thank you so much for your stories and encouragement.

Honourable lady, you have bestowed a great honour on me by letting me share your stories and your presence. You truly are a special spirit. Thank you……. I believe you and I am very grateful. ... I really hate to say sorry to you as that means I could not be a volunteer teacher again for your friend. I do not wish to offend you and her. …… Thank you for always understanding everything. That is what makes you special and honourable. Don't ever forget that.

.........

对不起,采风。麦克必须全身心地照顾他家人。我还请他写了写有关情况,现转一段在此,希望你能理解。

In June last year, *** was diagnosed with several cancerous tumours around her uterus. The doctor wanted to do extensive tests but a date wouldn't be available for a while. *** decided to go to *** for a bit of a vacation and rest up in preparation for the tests. The day after she arrived, her brother phoned me at 2:00 a.m., one of the tumours inside the uterus had burst and she was bleeding to death. She was in critical condition and I was needed immediately.

......

其实情况更严重些。采风,如果你愿意,请你跟我联系,我会把麦克的信转给你。

多谢你的好意。 http://chinasmile.infopop.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[This message was edited by 如意吉祥 on November 27, 2003 at 07:53.]
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旧 Nov 27th, 2003, 10:25   只看该作者   #19
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默认

Bless Mike and his family, Wish his wife get well soon!

- the story listener
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旧 Nov 27th, 2003, 10:43   只看该作者   #20
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默认

谢谢如意!同情MIKE!

真实情况比这个还严重吗? 都怪我的冒失提问,本来轻松诙谐的主题,如今勾起多少心酸的回忆。。。。
为他们祝福,希望尽快雨过天晴!

我的信箱: 13322862001@133165.com
祝如意一家都好!

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永恒不变的盟约。
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