笑话1

[仁者心动]

Two young guys were at a party in the woods when all of a sudden
there was a downpour of thunder and rain. The two ran for about
10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just
as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and
headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one
beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old Indian man's face appeared in the
passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger
screamed out, Eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old
Indian guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?)

The old Indian man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open
the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So the passenger
rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits,
"What do you want???"

The old Indian softly replied, "You have any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He
wants tobacco!" "Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver
replies.

So the passenger fumbles around with the pack and hands the old
man a cigarette, rolling up the window in terror and yells, "Step
on it!!!"

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start
laughing again. The passenger says, "What did you think of that?"

The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I'm going
pretty fast?"

All of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and the old
Indian man is looking in the window.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! There he is again!", the passenger yells. "Well
see what he wants now! " yells back the driver. The passenger
rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old Indian quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him, rolls up
the window and again yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling
beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard.

Suddenly, again there is more knocking! "Oh my God! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in
stark fear.

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of
the mud?"

[仁者心动]

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one
named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female
population and young George was pretty excited.

"Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.

"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're
lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the
ladies in a nice orderly fashion." said Sam.

"Okay, I can do that." George answered.

Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just
like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there but Sam
had a few more instructions.

"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one
end and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle"
said Sam.

"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.

"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These
gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect
and be polite. OK?" said Sam.

"Sure, sure" says George, "Let's go!"

Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts
at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he
remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is
going along he makes sure to say -

"Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you
ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am..."

[仁者心动]

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend,
Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's
a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: 'Pierre, kiss me!' Our hero
grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

'What are you doing, Pierre?', says the startled Marie.

'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to
have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a
little, Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and
starts pouring it all over her breasts.

'Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to
have white wine!'

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam
up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me
lower!'

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and
pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on
fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep,
Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, 'PIERRE,
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?'

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, 'I am Pierre the fighter
pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!'