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旧 Oct 3rd, 2007, 18:42     #1
flyingtogether
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flyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond repute
默认 马背上的如风少年

马背上的如风少年

马头琴在草原上
奏响第一声悠扬
水手们拖着疲惫
在爱琴海撑起了帆
千里之外
你孤独的背影
自负而决绝
这时,北风掷地有声地说:
“我们去战斗,今晚”

夕阳穿起它硕大的金黄晚礼
野花闪烁出从未有过的娇艳
杨柳在枝头摇摆着浓浓的暧昧
连平日里刻板的青松
也把一行清泪
滚落在了脚边
“等你回来,等你凯旋”

长风当啸,放眼前路无涯
此去经年
应有天门楚江中断
水穷云起处
蜀道艰难
但二八襟怀,岂可方物?
你崭新如同清风
你,正当少年

千年岁月,打马一瞬
昏昏沉沉的青史飞渡
令人欲睡的
《金缕衣》和《芴满床》
刚卸了妆,回身又演
而我只记取当初
霍霍的轻狂
写于上挑的眉梢
如同今天的你
当时的我
和项羽那年立于江东之岸

此帖于 Oct 4th, 2007 13:59 被 flyingtogether 编辑。
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旧 Oct 3rd, 2007, 21:18   只看该作者   #2
站马
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站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute站马 has a reputation beyond repute
默认

毕竟是青春少年,可以激扬文字,很久没有读到过这样黑白分明的诗歌了,一点小小的建议,有的句子简洁些,会更有力量


黑暗中必有人和我共此游戏
站马 当前离线  
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旧 Oct 4th, 2007, 04:49   只看该作者   #3
flyingtogether
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flyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond reputeflyingtogether has a reputation beyond repute
默认

引用:
作者: 站马 查看帖子
有的句子简洁些,会更有力量
有道理,谢谢
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