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旧 Aug 19th, 2010, 19:13     #1
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默认 知难而上

前些日子,草原兄提议由我出题,大家继续填词赋诗,我答应容我考虑考虑。

年纪大了,记忆力严重下降,只记得有老谁家的小谁说过,原话也记不清了。大意是说,五绝七绝比五律七律难写,而五绝七绝又以五绝尤为难写。

咱们今天就来个知难而上,不整气绝整五绝。主题不限,韵脚也不限,平仄希望稍加注意。

可作一首,也可以作多首。有道是“诗不厌改”,希望大家精益求精,虽不能字字玑珠,一字千金,多改几遍还是应该做到的。

时间以本月底为限。作业收齐后将组织讲评,以利我们大家互相提高。



还是老规矩,擂主抛砖引玉


五绝

山依画上窗,
云恋水重天。
岩皱松尤老,
舟横风自闲。

此帖于 Aug 19th, 2010 21:17 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。

春雪社博客:
http://chunxue2009.blog.sohu.com
春雪,伴着古典清新的琴韵,扑面而来......
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旧 Aug 20th, 2010, 16:53     #2
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默认

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作者: 11i9 查看帖子
都是自我感觉良好给害的,没事写诗比打游戏好。。。yy嘛。。。
小妹的闲情都落在浏览黄色网站上了,自我感觉差了,y 的是另一个境界了。。。嘻嘻
那可是“有图有真相”呀!
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旧 Aug 20th, 2010, 16:55     #3
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默认

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作者: ForeverYoung 查看帖子
我好像以前学过五绝嘛,没学会,社长的帖子,不敢乱搅混水,好像这诗得跟山有关系?

一二三四五
上山打老虎
老虎不在家
拎只小老鼠
“白日依山尽
黄河入海流
欲穷千里目
更上一层楼”
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 18:02     #4
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默认

五绝

山依画上窗,
云恋水重天。
岩皱松尤老,
舟横风自闲。


五绝

窗上画衣衫,
天重水恋云。
老友松皱颜,
闲自风横舟。


五绝

雨雾青山透
荷塘泛扁舟
闲来读旧事
信手甩金钩


五绝

流川万载梦,
浪激竣岩回,
远虹颜色故,
方知旧处来。


五绝

山头余落日
晓径始花开
不疑春犹在
只向心上摘


五绝

小桥迎逝水
暮气障重峦
谁家酒旗动
远客归意阑


五绝

霁色绕山腰
寒蝉鸣树梢
饮罢客中酒
相别十里桥


忆阿香

七绝加五绝
等于十二绝。
十箱加三箱,
就是十三箱。


忆香山

光阴快似箭,
沧海已桑田。
只因曾牵手,
梦里回香山。


五绝

光阴飞逝间,
沧海换桑田。
只为曾牵手,
香山梦里还。


忆阿香

七绝去五绝,
才貌成双绝。
十箱减三箱,
荷风七里香。


五绝

路过观雨楼
拎瓶打酱油
知难何不进
空手退无由


五绝

提起打酱油
实在难开口
无事忙黑昼
无油食不馐


五绝

窗外雨飞舞
华枫把心书
多嘴不用悔
美女共豆腐


五绝

月落潮方涌,
林幽花正香。
梵音盘古寺,
心印沐禅风。


五绝

丹青尚留白,
五绝多余韵。
眼前四季景,
心上九重春。


【五绝】露营

星垂月满伦,
林静鸟无痕。
独卧深山里,
清风夜扣门。


五绝

题尼亚加拉

九逸何喑哑
霜升蕴紫霞
雪崩割远翠
予我煮仙茶



注:九逸,《西京杂记》汉文帝自代还,有良马九匹,皆天下骏足也。名曰浮云、赤电、绝群、逸群、紫燕骝、禄螭骢、龙子、嶙驹、绝尘,号九逸。有来宣能御。


五绝

也说露营

头挨岭上云,
脚触水边英。
酒兴霞涛助,
拥风抱月吟。


五绝

星垂瀑幕悬,
篝火赧娇颜。
意动花犹颤,
心浮瀚海翩。


五绝

如上五绝章,
抒情画景长。
诙谐达意至,
细品齿留香。

此帖于 Aug 26th, 2010 19:47 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 18:39     #5
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默认

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五绝如上,或画景儿,或抒情,或达意,或诙谐,仔细品咂,如饮酽茶,良久,齿犹有余香,赞一个。

五绝

如上五绝章,
抒情画景长。
诙谐达意至,
细品齿留香。

此帖于 Aug 24th, 2010 11:55 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 19:01     #6
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默认

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我休学了,不交作业呵。坐地板看。
不交作业,也不怕憋坏了?!
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 19:36     #7
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默认

五绝

山依画上窗,
云恋水重天。
岩皱松尤老,
舟横风自闲。


七绝

山青如画影双窗,
云恋湖波落九天。
古皱松岩岁月老,
舟横风静任心闲。

此帖于 Aug 23rd, 2010 21:04 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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儿童画 (Aug 24th, 2010)
旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 19:57     #8
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默认

五绝

窗上画衣衫,
天重水恋云。
老友松皱颜,
闲自风横舟。

七绝

画眉窗冷粉衫单,
水远天重苦恋云。
老友喜逢松皱脸,
心闲风动船头烟。

此帖于 Aug 24th, 2010 12:23 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 20:23     #9
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默认

五绝

雨雾青山透
荷塘泛扁舟
闲来读旧事
信手甩金钩



七绝

雨雾依稀山透青,
荷塘月色扁舟轻。
闲来旧梦续心事,
信甩金钩钓晚风。

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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 20:40     #10
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默认

五绝

流川万载梦,
浪激竣岩回,
远虹颜色故,
方知旧处来。


七绝

流川万载魂惊梦,
激浪峻岩睡里回。
落日远虹颜色故,
方知原是旧乡来。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 21:19     #11
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默认

五绝

山头余落日
晓径始花开
不疑春犹在
只向心上摘


七绝

鸟尽山头余落日,
云藏晓径始花开。
不疑风冷春犹在,
只向伊人心上摘。

此帖于 Aug 23rd, 2010 21:59 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 21:32     #12
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默认

五绝

小桥迎逝水
暮气障重峦
谁家酒旗动
远客归意阑

七绝

雨过小桥迎逝水,
雾垂暮气障重峦。
谁家老肆酒旗动,
远客朦胧归意阑。

此帖于 Aug 24th, 2010 12:27 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 23rd, 2010, 21:45     #13
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五绝

霁色绕山腰
寒蝉鸣树梢
饮罢客中酒
相别十里桥

七绝

霁色绕山玉带腰
寒蝉断续鸣枝梢
客中更饮一杯酒,
勿念别时十里桥。

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旧 Aug 24th, 2010, 12:12     #14
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[QUOTE=Happy365;3749254]丹青尚留白,
五绝多余韵。
眼前四季景,
心上九重春。[/QUOT

意境尽出。

此帖于 Aug 25th, 2010 13:53 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 24th, 2010, 17:49     #15
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能不能有点诗人的第二基本素质啊?第一基本素质是字数排版上要像诗, 第二基本素质是押韵。再给你改一下吧

老虎不喝酒
专门打酱油

(观雨楼家喂的老虎)
三代与老狗颇具学术研讨的风范,很好,兴趣在于培养。

不过,第三句嘛,可以不押韵的。
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旧 Aug 25th, 2010, 13:15     #16
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幸好我回来的还不算太晚,赶上了社长的月末之期 。读了各位的大作,几乎不敢献丑,呵呵,可又实在忍不住要来凑趣。

这次落脚的地方包含了尼亚加拉大瀑布,所以就写写它吧。



九逸何喑哑
霜雾迸紫霞
崩雪割远翠
予我煮仙茶



注:九逸,《西京杂记》汉文帝自代还,有...
好诗,好湿。


三江覆逝水,
九逸裂长空。

此帖于 Aug 25th, 2010 14:16 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 26th, 2010, 11:57     #17
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野渡无人!

都上船了。

五绝

三江覆逝水,
九逸过长空。
崩雪裂晴翠,
紫霞腾雾升。

贫道窃以为:三江倾逝水,“倾”更符合平仄格律一些。社长此首为“平起仄收“,首句应为“平(仄)平平仄仄“。
除此之外,则字字中节,格律严整,实在令贫道佩服。
我也学丝妹妹,从善如流,改了。

三江倾逝水,
九逸过长空。
崩雪裂晴翠,
紫霞腾雾升。
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旧 Aug 26th, 2010, 12:01     #18
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一道和丝丝真正是精益求精,在此郑重提出表扬,以资鼓励。
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旧 Aug 26th, 2010, 12:57     #19
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瀑殇


天倾西北兮河淌
地陷东南兮洪荒
流万里兮汤汤
落千丈兮从从
露凝霜兮烟紫
雨霏微兮波清
龙腾云兮吐雾
虎跃峡兮生风
三军鼓兮惊雷
九逸过兮裂空
注五湖兮淼淼
入四海兮茫茫

此帖于 Aug 26th, 2010 16:59 被 疯狂搜底 编辑。
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旧 Aug 26th, 2010, 17:06     #20
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有气势,个人意见,过长空改为啸长空好点,声音出来了,气势上更强。
听人劝吃饱饭。再从善一把,好在不是从良。


三江倾逝水,
九逸啸长空。
崩雪裂晴翠,
紫霞腾雾升。


这么一改,好像是故意和丝妹妹唱对台戏了。

何喑哑,啸长空。
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