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旧 Jul 2nd, 2009, 12:23     #1
looniee
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谢谢赞兄,一直想挑战一下同性恋题材,吓唬人一下。
通信连 的滑梯 确实很挑战
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旧 Jul 3rd, 2009, 09:41     #2
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按三大侠德标准,俺已经是高级阶段袅,仿佛猿使社会直接进入了共餐主义。
因为悟性很高,猿始社会飞速发展压~
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旧 Jul 3rd, 2009, 17:16     #3
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更新了~
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旧 Jul 9th, 2009, 17:36     #4
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谢谢,下次不给你辣椒水啦。

还有就是,把昨天得罪你的帖子给删掉了。
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童话兄写的太英明神武了
我漏掉了什么?????

昨天童话跟老狗发飙了?
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旧 Jul 9th, 2009, 18:59     #5
looniee
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我替狗老说一句:“童画说得不好吗?!”
说的太好了~
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旧 Jul 9th, 2009, 19:38     #6
looniee
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我也放心了,不再磨叽了~
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旧 Jul 10th, 2009, 16:39     #7
looniee
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嗯,狗老正常啦,俺也放心袅,炒菜7——
从这帖子可以看出
童话已经炒了一天的菜了
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旧 Jul 10th, 2009, 18:19     #8
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童话请快去做晚饭吧, 不然今晚又得挨一顿胖揍了
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旧 Jul 15th, 2009, 18:50     #9
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俺湖边压——让附中的学生演奏德沃夏克的交9。

我也喜欢德沃夏克,他够厚重。

恩 湖边很美~
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旧 Jul 20th, 2009, 15:55     #10
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结尾有一点慌,童话不忍再写了?



很喜欢“其时阳光浮动,天空湛蓝,间或鸽子飞扑而来,满世界都是生命的动感~”
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旧 Jul 20th, 2009, 16:11     #11
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我是故意芥末写滴压,因为我不想把死亡写的太清楚。

青春的生命嘎然而止,想营造出更强烈的痛感。

你把我的句子改得很美,我可以考虑改动,不过好像”间或飞来“不够热闹。还有哪里需要改呢?


童话,我这几天忙的头晕

所以大概看完拉整篇就急忙发炎了

我真没想改你的桔子,是读过后脚的很美就复述出来袅,抱歉抱歉~~
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旧 Jul 20th, 2009, 16:54     #12
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改了——”阳光浮游“:很美很轻快、又动感。
童话真是认真~~~

我又想了想,其实好像可能“艺”不但是一种技能、才华(艺术),更应该是一种精神层面的东西吧,是社会活动的精神倒影,当然,是放大了的或者是缩小了的

那么这种精神层面的东西如果到了一定的高度,就必然和社会现实相悖,就必然会有孤独感和痛苦感。可以说,从“艺”之人,就必然是孤独的和痛苦的吧,否则,就不是艺术而是生活,就不是艺人而是俗人了
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旧 Jul 20th, 2009, 17:57     #13
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月半兄说的很对呀,你的分析总是很中肯——狗老语。

我的这篇小说其实就是想诠释人内心孤独感的,《蓝鸟》也是,主人公都很优秀,是我心目中所谓精神贵族的影像,但由于思想的深度,他们注定会是孤独的,当初我写这一篇,大家都以为只是一个同性恋的故事,其实不是,主题就是想写灵魂孤傲者在俗世间的毁灭,这个毁灭是必然的,俗人能苟且偷安的,他却做不到。

写小说是件上瘾的事,只是现在精力还是远远不够,你说我认真吧,灵光一闪时确实认真,昨晚写到转钟呢。不过今天完成后一看,感觉还是差强人意。

月半兄应该多提意见,这样我才能学习到,哪怕意见不统一,但我还会辨析压..


童话千万别说我在分析,我这几天真的是忙的头晕脑涨,(举个例子,昨天电话跟朋友约好的晚上喝酒,结果忙忘了,晚上9点多了朋友实在等不及了电话我,我说我有说过今天喝酒么?)



我是读文之后,第一感觉就是你上面说的:同行异行只是表象,真正你要说的就是这种精神层面的异同~





我以前有一个搞笑的帖子曾经说:

“孔子的儒家思想的核心是什么?通俗的说就是美国的自由女神像-----一手举着火炬,一手拿着书本,那就是说没电点火把也要读书,每条件创造条件也要学习压;进而引申:如果不是生而高贵,那么就学而高贵好了”


可是仔细想想,作精神贵族的副面其实也很大的,像孔子周游列国,却始终未得其志~ 那份孤独与挫折又有谁知?
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旧 Jul 20th, 2009, 18:08     #14
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太强了, 其实小胖之所以能中肯的分析出来, 正是他内心就是孤独的, 可连他自己都诠释不出来, 所以他不是精神贵猪




随笔就是精神猪圈,大家都是精神贵猪~

有时候,闲了无聊,就有贵猪吆和:打麻将拉,然后皮皮啪啪的开始码牌,哦不对,是开始嘛字,

然后就有下家回牌了,吃吃碰碰,偶尔还抬个杠,有时还杠上开花~~
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旧 Jul 21st, 2009, 18:05     #15
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作者: 儿童画 查看帖子
.........................
但是,我不觉得孔子是孤独的,他虽然孤高,但是充实,他比一般的精神贵族拥有更高的层次,他是精神世界的王。............
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儿童画 (Jul 21st, 2009)
旧 Jul 21st, 2009, 18:37     #16
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默认

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作者: 儿童画 查看帖子
谢谢火山兄,你说的正是我也感觉的,但“只缘生在此山中”吧,我就无法表达。

里面我说了:晓星是自己把自己压垮的,因为别人还来不及压垮他,前面有些铺垫,就是他很聪慧,他已经预感到自己的命运。

但我真的也觉得对这个人物把握非常不够,听火山兄的话,还需要多多交待滴细致一些。


恩 其实山哥的意思是说,客观的东西也可以通过主观来表达的(我这么理解的,要是不对,大哥表怪)


对了我忽然想到,童话不会是在阶梯怀念MJ吧?
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旧 Jul 21st, 2009, 19:18     #17
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作者: 儿童画 查看帖子

谢谢月半兄,你和火山兄都很有道理压。

MJ并不是同性恋者,但我真的很喜欢他的歌和舞姿。

没有没有~


我是从“灵魂孤傲者在俗世间的毁灭”的角度来说的;你自己不是也说,性取向的异同是表而精神世界的异同为里的么?

我脚的其实MJ很古都的~

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这个解释好,我也感觉MJ这个人物太悲情了,晓星和他有的一比。

刚才又浏览了一遍,童画,感觉用第三人称写,效果会更好。

“满纸荒唐言,一把辛酸泪”感觉你付出了辛苦心血,很好,继续,你会是一个好作者。


大哥跟我有同感!

其实第一人称也可以写的,但是要看童话想侧重哪方面了~




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作者: 儿童画 查看帖子
谢谢火山兄的鼓励。这篇小说写得很不轻松,可能酝酿的太凄苦了,写到最后一段时我自己都哭了——不要笑我啊。

嗯,牢记你们的好意见了,看来我还得多多斟酌一番。

所以我昨天问你是不是不忍下笔了
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